Many women find sex to be the deepest form of love and connection, and many women are very sexually oriented.
Here are some of the most common ways that women may differ from men:
- Sex begins in the mind – For her, it’s the fantasizing, remembering, and imagining hot sex that revs her engine. So, in times of infatuation or falling in love — when she is constantly thinking about being together — her sexual appetite is high, and arousal is easy.
- Sex is about being desired – it’s the thought of his reaction to her (“I wonder if he thinks I’m hot?”) that hits her brain like a lightning bolt. Knowing that her man is hungry for her engages her imagination and ignites sexy thoughts in the brain.
- Sex is a mixed bag – Most women do love sex, but desire can easily be derailed by tiredness, resentment, or the physiological problems of pain or menopause. The laundry, children, and work, or the inhibiting voices inside that tell her no because of her history or religion also impact her desire.
- Sex is contextual – Relationship ups and downs cause women to withdraw desire and protect their heart. Her need to feel emotionally safe before the sexual moment cannot be overstated.
- Sex is an aspect of love – Making love may flow from the warmth she feels in the relationship, but it’s not necessarily the source of the heat.
- Sex is a way she gives love – She may recognize her partner’s need for sex and, despite her own lack of inclination, she may want to meet his need.
Here are some of the most common ways that men may differ from women:
- Sex begins in the body – Men have massive amounts of testosterone coursing through their bodies, pushing and driving them toward sexual expression. Erections spring at the slightest provocation in young men. And for an adult man, seeing his wife or partner coming out of the shower naked causes his body to react. It is hard to overestimate the way his body chemistry directs his mind’s psychology toward the sexual.
- For men, sex is a hunger – Men want to be full. His mind is captivated by the thought of an opportunity to feel delighted and surprised and a day isn’t really complete without “dessert.”
- Sex is energy – Flirtation, a smile, innuendo, a shapely figure, or sexual image, fantasized or real, can be a hit on the male brain.
- In committed relationships, sex is one way men give love – He often fantasizes about how to make sexual pleasure better for her, begging for information about her erotic desires, so he can improve as a lover and “show love” in a sexual way.
- Sex is love – After the world’s hurts and challenges, sex embodies love and care and provides soothing and support for men and it’s much more emotional for men than we recognize. Making love creates a deep feeling of attachment to his partner and spurs relational generosity, faith, and optimism. While most women may wish for an emotional connection before having a physical connection, for men sexual connection is often necessary to feel safe enough for emotional vulnerability