Way too many folks think couples’ counseling is an opportunity to get an individual win. If that’s your thinking, the couple loses.
Couples therapy is designed to bring out the best in you and your partner, strengthening the quality of your relationship, as a point of balance, allowing you to deal with issues in ways that support you to grow as individuals and a couple.
An emotionally fulfilling relationship involves the willingness of both to stretch, and get to know and see, love and value both self and the other as unique beings, learning one another’s love language so to speak, as a basis for promoting a sense of safety and mutual understanding.
Key goals in couples therapy are to:
- Deepen knowledge and understanding of yourself, your partner and your relationship.
- Structure your communications to allow each to feel safe enough to empathically connect.
- Identify one another’s fears and know what each needs to feel safe in the relationship.
- Make distinctions between making requests versus demands, sharing versus venting, connecting versus complaining.
- Talk together and listen in a way that each feels accepted, validated and understood.
- Identify one anothers triggers and defense strategies.
- Examine how wounds in childhood effect how each currently relates in your couple relationship.
- Identify and replace limiting beliefs or judgments with ones that energize you to co-create a mutually enriching relationship.
- Discover and embrace disowned, repressed or rejected parts of yourself that do not allow you to feel safe enough to fully love and honor yourself.
- Identify limiting subconscious scripts and beliefs that block communications and cause reactivity and defensiveness.
- Find balance between yearnings to be loved versus be accepted and valued as a unique contributor.
- Understand what you need to feel loved and clearly articulate that to your partner.
- Identify and replace old habits, defenses and coping strategies with enriching ones.
- Understand distinctions between healthy versus unhealthy expressions of anger.
- Rediscover the romance and the fun in your relationship.
So get on with helping you AND your spouse or partner grow!